Today I napped

While Nathan and Sydney both slept I took a nap.
I rested my head on my pillow, while my sink was full of dirty sippy cups, while there was clean laundry sitting in the dryer needing to be folded, while my floors needed to be mopped from the weekend. But I laid in my bed and slept. Because my kids were both sleeping. And I needed to rest, I needed to charge my soul for the rest of the sick filled day.

Lately I have been feeling very guilty. As a mom and a "home maker"
Before I became pregnant with Sydney I HATED letting Nathan be away from me. In fact I rarely allowed it. He was with me 99% of his life. Then I got pregnant and ill. I needed help, I was so sick it was hard for me to give him the energy and excitement he needed daily. So I started letting my mom watch him once in a while. So he could be filled with love and energy and the star of her day. He needed that time with her, he deserved that time with her, he LOVES spending time with her. But it hurt ME to let him go.

I promised myself once I had Sydney things would go back to normal. He would have his energy filled days back, a second baby would not slow us down and his life would be everything it was before.

And now she is here. She is wonderful, and prefect, and I love her to death. But how do I balance two? How do I shake this guilt I feel? When one had my soul attention and they both need it. I don't feel like I'm giving Nathan enough of me right now. I'm letting my parents have him too often. I look forward to the weekends when he goes on quick trips to Home Depo with dada. Things i used to insist on doing with them so we could all be together. I'm not the one to tuck him into bed at night.

Does he know that he means the world to me? That I'm sitting here in tears because i feel like I'm not doing enough with just him.

Is this normal? Will this feeling pass? With time will i be able to tuck them both in at night, get the kitchen cleaned, the laundry folded, showered and still be a good wife??
I want to be, I try to be, I strive to be the best momma, wife, home maker, daughter, daughter in law, friend, person possible. But am I actually doing enough? And I filling those shoes that seem so huge today?

I guess all it comes down to is the best I can do, and lately with sick babies I feel spread thin, I feel like i should be the one cuddling both kids all the time. But how? I guess that why parenting isn't meant to do alone, right? Tomorrow I strive to do better, as with each new day. I needed that nap, I needed that rest so I could do my best to give Nathan the fun filled, playful mom he has come to know and love. This dishes will be there in the morning, and so will the laundry, I mean that's why there's a "fluff" setting right?

Smiles

I LOVE my life!

Things have been hard lately but at the end of the day I have the worlds best family.

If you missed the post about the week and my parents check it out  here.

And last night after putting Sydney to bed I went looking for the boys.

And found this

Oh! So sweet!

They fell asleep watching Sherk!

That just feels my heart with love and happiness.

I love love love those boys.

Even the hardest weeks can end in such loving, heart warming moments.

Ok ok enough with the muss I know!

Update on Sydney:

When I wrote this post last night and saved it as a draft for morning when I uploaded the photo

she was doing great.

Then 2 am round around and we were back at square one.

She has cried so much in the past few days that she has lost her voice.

She can barely even cry now.

Ah so so heartbreaking.

She has lost a full pound since Saturday and it back at 9 lbs

After numerous tests and 3 doctors they came to the conclusion

that she has NO major illnesses.

She was given new medication for her ear,

there is nothing that can be done for the cough or fever aside from Tylenol.

And they gave us numbing drops for her ear in hopes of easing some pain and preventing so crying.

Hopefully she will be feeling better soon

Hard Week...

This week has been hard.

Nathan came down with a head cold.

Coughing, sneezing, high fever just plain miserable.

He wanted to be held all day, and so did Sydney, neither took good naps.

It was difficult and sad.

Thankfully my mom is mother/grandmother of the year.

She gave up her whole day wenseday to help me.

Even my germ-a-phobe dad came over to help!

Nathan went to the doctor on Thursday.

We were told he had an ear infection and a head cold.

Poor little man.

Then Saturday morning Sydney woke and cried NONstop.

Mind you she rarely ever cries.

She was throwing up, not spit up VOMIT.

Her fever was over 100 my poor little girl.

Nothing breaks your heart more then a little 9lb baby

coughing, sneezing, vomiting & refusing to eat.

After hours of crying I took her to urgent care,

where we were informed of an ear infection & stomach virus.

My poor kiddos.

Today however they both seem in better spirits. Still sick, but smiling.

Thank the Lord. My little family is on the mend.

Times like these make me grateful for family close by

& a hands on husband with paid sick leave!

Some small crafts got finished this week so I could keep my sanity,

I'll post about them later!

Spring is here and I'm loving all the colorful flowers!

I plan to do some planting this week, hopefully!

Hope your week was better than ours!

Saint Patricks Day

So here is one of the projects I have been working on for Saint Patricks Day.

I made this wearth.

It is just a twine wearth wrapped in burlap,

 then I made the bunting and the flowers!

Little hot glue vota bing, vota bam!

Saint Patricks Day wearth!

I've got Sydneys outfit ready for photos

But Nathans isn't finished yet!

So the pictures of those are still to come!

Plus I'm not really in to much of a hurry to have him hold her for a photo opt!

Gotta make sure that cold is good and gone before any cuddle time for the baby!

The outfits are pretty funny and cute so be sure to check back for them!

Sick Baby

Regardless of how old he gets,
or how many children I have
Nathan will always be my baby.
He is my 1st born, and I love him to pieces.
I love everything about that sweet little boy.
So these past few days have been horrible.
He is sick and it's flat out heart breaking.
His fever peaked at 103.8 yesterday (ah my poor baby).
The doctor gave him antibiotics for an ear infection today and sent him home.
Here's to hoping he feels better in the morning.

Anthro Inspired Dish Towel

Ok honsetly who doesn't love Anthropologie?

 It's pure adorable! But oh man those prices are hard to stomach.

I will be honest I do own clothes from there...

 clothing and a few decor items also.

 Wait Wait Wait before you jump to any unfair judgements,

 everything I own was either a gift or bought with a gift card (so bascially a gift)

I love they way they make such unexpected things beautiful in ways you would never think to.

I also have a love for vintage linens!

I'm not sure what it is about them but I just find them so beautiful.

All hand done, so sweet and chamring.

Maybe it was a book my older sister got me while she worked at a book store in college.

Hand Made Home By Amanda Blake Soul

or maybe it was my mother in law

 who loves all things vintage and has an antique collection that is huge,

or maybe it was my love of crafting and creating.

Probablly all three!

 I can't help but wonder what the women who hand sew'd it was like,

what her life was like, if we would have gotten along,

all she could have taught me!

But back to Anthro, behold this yummy dish towel...

But honsetly who pays $22 for a dish towel??

Behold my version

I whipped this baby up in twenty minutes while waiting for Teen Mom 2 to start!

(don't judge you know you watch it too)

I've never been afraid of color, so black was def not going to be happening!

I love mine! 

It's bright and cheery and perfect for spring.

 I plan on making more in different colors!

Like? Dishlike?

3 year ago...

Three years ago today I became Mrs. Brawner!

Three years.

I can't even being to describe the past three years!

So much as happened, so much learning, growing, changing, risky leaps of faith!

It's been an awesome journey.

We created him

We bought this

And turned it into this

(the ENTIRE house is a change as drastic as that!

Sorry its messy this was taken when we were moving in!)

We adopted him

(The dog of course!)

And him

and finally created her

Looking back is great, I love my life so so very much.

 These have been the best three years of my life.

 I can not wait to see what the future holds for our marriage and our family.

 Alex I love you with all my heart

and I'm so very grateful and blessed to be your wife.